The RADIO TIMES has been released and within it our new leader Steven Moffat (okay, I'm going a bit far with that) lays out a deliciously paradoxical spoiler-free/spoiler-full summary for each episode to come. I won't copy them here, go buy the magazine for yourself! But what I WILL do is give you my reaction to Mr Moffat's teases. BE WARNED: I shall be discussing things I believe to be real spoilers so, if you don't want to know the score, please look away now!
1. The Eleventh Hour - Not much in Moffat's summary that we didn't already know to be honest. Although it's nice to see the line "Can he persuade her to trust him, when he's been letting her down all her life?" GRIN!
2. The Beast Below - The only thing to catch my eye here is the fact that the masked figure, presumably Sophie Okonedo's character, knows "the Doctor of old"... Hmmm!
3. Victory Of The Daleks - Again! Moffat has a knack for letting out lots of information without actually SAYING anything. Daleks in WWII is ALL you can reap from this... Good enough, I s'pose.
4. The Time Of Angels, 5. Flesh And Stone - Interesting. Mentions of "the last Weeping Angel" and "the maze of the dead". Could this be where we see the Cyberman? Oh, and it's set on Alfava Metraxis. Nice name.
6. Vampires In Venice - Lovely scenery, blah blah blah, dead on streets, blah blah blah, sexy vampire sisters, blah blah blah. For all the blah blah blahing this is one of the ones I'm looking forward to most
7. Amy's Choice - Like 'Sophie's Choice" but with boy/girl exchanged for dream/reality. I reckon, anyway. Clearly, sacrifices will be made, but is Rory's life one of them? EH?
8. and 9. (titles to be confirmed) - Silurians drilling UP while humans drill DOWN in slightly futuristic Wales. Nice. Hopefully the Silurians are as wordy and thoughtful as in the 70s.
10. (title to be confirmed) - Mad painters seeing monsters in corn fields. "Saving the world has never been so ginger!" LOVE that. But can even the Doctor save Vincent? Yes... they go to the future in the snow, innit?!
11. - So there IS an alien threat in The Lodger (title to be confirmed). Something about missing people, about stairs that they go up but never come down... Only one thing to say to this: "BARROWMAAAAAAAN!!" *shakes fist*
12. and 13. (titles to be confirmed) - Lots to chat about here! "A message on the oldest cliff-face in the universe, a puzzle box opening from the inside [something getting out] and a love that lasts thousands of years [River]... The fates are drawing around the Tardis - is this the day the Doctor falls?" Nah... He'll be okay! WON'T HE? The quote at the bottom of this summary is nice too... Magical. Seems our villain is "A nameless, terrible thing". I like it. I don't WANT to know more.
So, there you have it! Series 5 (Yes, 5. Check the RT listings) is days away and we now know more AND less than we ever did. Steven Moffat is a master at giving us nothing and making us talk about it for weeks. The bastard. Don't miss my review of The Eleventh Hour, right here, first thing Sunday morning. And this time, if I don't like it, I promise to say so... Although I wouldn't put money on it happening.